Milestone 245 Reached!

I have chased having a weight below 250 for years… 5 years in fact.

In those 5 years when I do my morning weigh in the scale has read 248 or 249 two maybe three times.

I never celebrated or considered it a win because I was not able to sustain the loss. The next day I was back above 250 and remained there.

For a while I was convinced it was my destiny to remain overweight and around 255. I did not really believe I could be 245.

Then I started to believe I had some mental block that prevented me from reaching 245 or below.

In 2018 – I signed up for a Triathlon to give me a goal so that I would work out harder and push through to 245.

I trained hard. I stuck to a diet plan… mostly … but race day came… at the end of aug 2018 – and I was 254.

I celebrated fishing the Triathlon and I smiled a lot but deep down I was frustrated. I had tried so hard.

The demon voice in my head got loud and told me to accept my fate. 254 is not that bad. You can live with that…

So I took my hands off the wheel and drifted as far as my weigh loss journey.

Interestingly enough … my sober journey was gaining more traction. That journey started for me in 2016 but I never accepted that I was never going to drink again.

On a side note, some people have success with getting started in their sober journey by saying … I am not going to NEVER drink again.. I am just not going to drink right now. And for many years that is what I told myself. But for me to move forward to the next place… a place of sustained sobriety I had to make an agreement with myself that I was 100% done. Alcohol did not serve me.

Back to my journey – And what follows is my interpretation looking back through my journals and putting things together.

I felt like a failure with my weight. I took my hands off the wheel and went on a 30 day eat what I want and drink what I want- yes alcohol too.

In 30 days I gained 10 pounds. 264.

I felt horrible about myself and just felt horrible in my body. Bloat etc etc.

I put my 100% focus on getting rid of alcohol in my life. Sept 27th, 2018 was the day. I just looked that up in my DayOne Journal.

I was no longer on a bender with food and alcohol and I resumed my workouts.

I maintained my sobriety but I was not fasting. I was not overly concerned with exactly what I ate and by Dec 31st 2018 I weighed in at 285.

285

That is 31 pounds heavier than I was the day I did Triathlon. Aug 26th 2018

Let’s be clear – I weighed myself daily. I have a digital scale that I step on each morning and that data will be synced to my phone. So I had the data. I was not obsessive about it. I kept saying to myself – Get through the holidays and we will address this … the weight thing… in 2019

Jan 1, 2019

I was back. I returned to my previous health mindset. But looking back I had a fast and binge pattern in place.

I felt that if I lost 5 pounds that a nice meal with dessert was my reward.

But even with that … I started to slowly .. and I do mean slowly lose weight.

The Summer of Change 2019

I was gaining some momentum and I was down to 265. But I knew if I I was going to break through this invisible barrier I had built up so big in my mind, that I would need some help.

I had been watching this guys YouTube channel – Fasted Physiques – His name is Corey. I reached out to him and he started coaching me over Instagram voice memos. I cannot express how much of a help he has been to me. I did a video about it.

I also started therapy. That was not motivated to help me with my weight loss but as with most things in life our deep fears and issues are all interconnected.

I started to dig into myself and deal with shit that was buried deep. I did the hard work of sitting with myself. Thinking. Writing in my journal.. Trying to pull truth from all the shit. Then sitting with that truth. Accepting what is true and thinking about what can be changed.

Through all of that work – I never left the daily grind of my diet and exercise plan. Sure some days were better than others. But each day I woke up with the resolve not to fuck it up. Holding the line was a win some days.

For all the overweight people reading this … you must accept that diet is 99% if not 100% of it. Not eating is part of that too. I mean fasting.

The grind as I call it. Keeping faithful to the process. My process. That is the daily commitment I made to myself. It built my character. It made me respect myself again.

Today I sit and I am writing all of this. I knew I wanted to say something but I was not sure what I was going to say. My wife Vickie was encouraging me to celebrate this day. So I came home and sat staring at this blank screen and started to reflect. And the blank screen became this note.

I have been sober about one year as this writing. 10 days shy of my official one year.

I weigh 245

Both milestones that 1 year ago I did not think were possible for me.

  • Be encouraged.
  • Do the work.
  • Go in Peace.

Your friend.

Terry

My journey continues…….

Snake Diet + Beating My Food Addiction 2019

I used to record my weight Jan 1st each new year with a renewed determination to lose weight and get heathy. I was in my 40 when I started doing this. The problem was that each year I would record my weight I would be 5 to 10 pounds heavier. My response? Double down on my resolve. One day I realized I was 323 pounds.

Me at 323 pounds May 2012 – I was 43

I had a physical because I was concerned about long term issues or maybe I was hoping for validation that my weight was not really affecting my health. LESSON #1 – Being Obese will always catch up to you. ALWAYS. Time is not on your side when you are obese.

The Doctor was very concerned. My blood pressure was high. I was really obese and I was trending in the wrong direction. As in most stories in life that was a turning point. I am not sure why that person or moment spoke to me but it did. That was my time and place. That was the day I started my journey to gain my health.

The First 50

I found Dr. Ron Rosedale’s book – The Rosedale Diet. This book explains that hormones (leptin) is driving weight issue. To this day his diet plan is the spot on.

Appropriate protein, and low carb. Good Fat to maintain satiety.

I lost 50 pounds over 6 months. It felt easy at the time.

Losing and Gaining the Same 20 pounds

I could write a book about 2013-2018. The short answer is this.

I had a food plan that was working. But I kept wanting to tinker with it. I told myself that I was trying to improve it or even “perfect” my diet but all I did was drive myself into a ditch that took 5 years to get out of.

Hubris

I read and consumed so much info that I started fucking with my food plan and I stalled. I would gain weight. I would lose weight. And I was drinking alcohol. Looking back I was not taking it seriously. I wanted it all. I wanted to follow a diet plan 3-4 days and then do what the fuck I wanted 2-3 days a week. You know what that gets you when you are still 100 pounds overweight? Stagnation.

Never doubt the mental toll that a weight loss journey will have on you. Getting success quickly helps keep you on plan.

In the moment I was frustrated and would complain and bitch. I would think why is this not working for me etc. What I a fool I was. But it was part of my journey to get to where I am today.

Where I am Today – The Next Part of My Journey

Sept 1st, 2018 – I weighted 260

Jan 1, 2019 I weight 285

Today September 1, 2019 – I weight 253

That is 32 pounds lost in the year 2019. Exciting. But I am in the middle of the journey.

And I am skipping out on why I gained 25 pounds at the end of 2018 – What a real fuck up that was…. But that is for another time or really it is better to just leave it alone and let that be the last chapter of that part of my life.

My Goal Weight is 170

My Dexa Scan 05/21/2019 – Spoiler Alert! – I am fat! 42% body fat. Weight 266

Can we just sit for a minute and think about what 42% body fat means? That means I am carrying around 30% more body weight that I need for no reason. And if anything it is slowing killing me.

Let’s take this a step further. Is eating (insert whatever health food you want) going to mitigate being 42% body fat? I do not think so.

So today I sit with a revised plan of action. I have my resolve. I am 100% committed. I do not have results to show yet.

Will I stay committed and make my goal weight?

Stick around and see 🙂

I made a video about where I am now and if you would like to watch

I also will be sending out weekly updates via email – tinyletter.com/Terrygrier to sign up

Follow me on instagram @terrygrier – I will being live video for Q/A and when I eat.

Peace be with you. Your friend.
T