Day 22 – Today I Lost

It started with a chip. A corn chip to be more precise. I cut up an avocado. I was going to eat it with a spoon. I chose a chip. Then the spiral happened. I ate some blueberry’s and Greek yogurt. I had a ham sandwich. Nothing crazy. But that chip trigged me to accept the lie.

The lie was that since I fucked up my plan that we will just re start tomorrow. There is always tomorrow. And I ate more food off my plan.

I have to learn to compress the time if I eat off plan and getting back on plan. Like after 1 bite. Not after 1 meal. Not after 1 day.

See you tomorrow.

T

Day 7 – My June 2020 Plan

June 1st and 2nd (today) have been my typical pattern that leads me to the following results.

June 1, 2019 – I weighed 265
June 1, 2020 – I weighed 265

In that 12 month period my lowest weight was 245.

My highest weight was 280.

That is a 35 pound difference.

Here is one more graph to bring the point home.

My first weight loss graph

It dates back ten years to 2010. I am pretty sure I was over 300 pounds since 2007.

I found a book in 2012. The Rosedale Diet. Interesting book considering it was written in 2006. It was about eating low carb and the right type of fats to control the hormone Leptin. You can see in the graph it worked. It was a great time in my life. I did not really understand the science. I did not care about the science. I followed what the book said and I lost 75 pounds.

Since 2015 I have been stuck in the Victim/Villain/Guide loop. I learned more and more and more and more and more and more and with each passing book I could not get the weight loss to resume. I have another 100 pounds to lose. Fuck. 100 pounds.

But at this point who fucking cares. I am going to solve the problem.

Here is what I am doing.

Food

For a whole list of reasons I operate best with structure and fewer options. I have no issue eating the same things. I am the guy that order the same meal at the same restaurant.

Here is my Food List:

  • Sardines – and other fish
  • Eggs – Farm Eggs – mostly boiled
  • Avocados
  • Black Coffee / Tea
  • Water and Snake Juice (for fasting days)

These are rules. There is no doubt if I follow them or not. You could be with my 24/7 for the next 30 days and know if I ate according to this plan. That is why I want to make them simple. Easy for me to know if I am following my plan or not. No grey.

Fasting

My goal is to eat 2x a week. Therefore a 72 hour fast and a 48 hour fast. I am thinking Sundays and Wednesdays as my eating days.Repeat.

My Blogging Schedule: –

Sunday – Friday

Saturdays will be off – Family time

See You Tomorrow.

Day 6 – June 2020 – A New Month!

I was excited to share my plans for June today. But the day got away from me and in light of what is going on in our cities, I need some time.

I will provide a full update tomorrow. But here are some numbers to mark it.

June 1, 2020 – 265 pounds.

May 1, 2020 – 265 pounds.

No loss this month and I looked at myself in the mirror today without a shirt. I balked at taking a picture due to no change.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Day 4 – Completed a 24 Hour Fast & Still Going

10:38pm – I am feeling great. I am sleepy. But I feel great. I was able to complete a 24 hours fast. I am at hour 25 or so right now and I am about to go to sleep so I made it. So I am pretty confident that I will reach 36 hours and maybe 40 hours.

25 hours and rolling.

I watch YouTube videos of people that fast 48 or 72 hours for 3 -5 months and lose a lot of weight. 100 pounds. 70 pounds etc. and I want that for myself.

Today was a little different because I was able to keep my head out of the fridge. I never lied to myself and said – one boiled egg will be fine. Sure I would break my fast but it is “good for me” … and you know what keep my on track from that lie?

I would look at the Zero app – see that count down ticking and thought about right now. Me writing this blog post. I wanted to be able to sit and write that I did it. I thought about how I would feel writing this post and that feeling got me through.

You know what? It feels fucking great.

See you tomorrow.

Day 3

CW: 265
SW: 275

8:01 – Getting my morning rolling. I am not going to abandon my Day 1 promise to use this blog as my online accountability journal.

I am feeling better. I got a nice comment from a reader on my Day 2 post – the post that almost broke my streak of 1 🙂 – but I wrote it at 11:45 last night and I am glad I did. It kept me on track.

Today is a beautiful day in Central Texas. My wife has a meal planned for today. Roasted Chicken and Veggies (squash, peppers, onions, mushrooms – maybe some carrots) – I will post a picture later.

Food: I do not want to make this a food blog – This is what I ate and how to make it and all that shit. This is about self control, disciplined life and adding value to myself and those around me.

11:17pm I am putting today down as a good day. My wife roasted a chicken and roasted veggies – squash, onions, mushrooms, red bell peppers, carrots. It was really good. She has a small loaf of French bread which I had 2 slices. That I regret. But I went for a 30 min walk after I cleaned the kitchen.

Change in Tactics with Fasting

I am switching to alternate day fasting. Think 36-42 hour fast.

I have never done this before because I thought it was too short. I would be weak not to go longer etc etc. But time has proven that I fucking cannot even get 24 hours done. I set the timer for 96 hours 100 hours …. pick the number. Could me 1,000 hours. It does not matter because I would not get it done.

So I am going with reality. I am going to talk myself through 1 day of no food. If I am not willing to feel a little discomfort or pain or hunger for 1 day then I have a problem.

So tomorrow if you are following along – I will not eat.

Podcast:

I have a podcast as well that I am trying to update daily as well.

Here is a link to the one I recorded today.

I am planning to post weekly updates with pictures as well.

See you tomorrow.

Day 2

Today was a rough day. I almost did not write and post anything. But if there is one thing I know about my success or failure is that when I ignore the scale or ignore the thing I need to do I make it worse. I put that rational mind in the closet and let the lizard brain take over. I convert into a victim and the villain. I need to be the hero. I am going to change my story.

I work up and I had lost weight. I ate some food and broke my goal of fasting on day 1 but I lost weight. That lead me to looking for something for lunch. Why? You would think that I would be excited for the success I had and I would want to push in on that – but instead I relaxed. This I am going to fix.

It is 11:46pm Day 2. I know that I did not eat enough today to fuck it all up and set me back 3-4 days like I have done at times but rather I think it is just 1 day or stagnate if I am lucky. We shall see. Now lets review reality – and put that fucking pig (my villain) back in the cage and get on with the dashboard.

If you are working on being the hero in your story. Keep up the fight. You are worth it.

Dashboard

Dashboard Update

Current Weight: 263
Trend Line: 266.1
Starting Weight: 275

Days without the following:
Fruit: 0
Sugar: 0
Grain: 0
Dairy: 0

Training:
BWS Workouts: 2

Person Growth Dashboard Days without:
PMO 0
Limited Screen/Scrolling: 0

Day 1

This is my daily online accountability journal.

When temptation is high and willpower is low I will turn to writing here.

It will become a level of defense. Dr. Tro in his last townhall showed a slide with the Swiss Cheese Model of Defense. You need multiple levels. When my mind is telling me lies – I will press into them. Find the lie. Assert my control. Follow the plan I want for my life.

I am going to write as the day progresses.

8:42am CDT

Woke up feeling refreshed. It was a night of good sleep.
Today my goal is to fast. Get through one day without eating.

My focus is on getting below 250 this week. That will require for me to stick to my routine for longer than 3 days in a row.

If you remember – my current and long term pattern is to get serious for 3-4 days both in what I eat and exercise and then generally on the weekends – I “reward” myself. It starts small but that little bit of sugar or carb opens a flood gate and I go seeking out more of it. Then as the story goes when I try to get back on plan, the cravings for carbs and sugar are still there.

In the words of my friend Holly Whitaker – There are somethings that you do not fuck with. Addictive substances are one of them. Alcohol/Drugs and Sugar/Fructose is one of them.

12:06PM

I want to eat something. I have avocados. But I feel if I eat an avocado it will make me want to eat more.

I swallowed a spoon of coconut oil. I am trying to view it as medicine. It will take the edge of hunger away.

This is my personal favorite brand. I like the mild and delicate flavor version. I have bought the HUGE vat at Costco before but I never used all of it. This is small. Tastes great. Easy to manage. Has less of a wax texture that that costco version had.

12:54pm

That small bite of coconut oil got me thinking about food and I went into the fridge – before I came to write here – I had a boiled egg.

Note: Will I allow coconut oil on these fasting days – at least these early days as a crutch? Do I need the crutch?

Dashboard Update

Current Weight: 266.6
Trend Line: 267.1
Starting Weight: 275

Days without the following:
Fruit: 1
Sugar: 1
Grain: 1
Dairy: 1

Training:
BWS Workouts: 1

Person Growth Dashboard Days without:
PMO 1
Limited Screen/Scrolling: 0

Be Your Hero In Your Weight Loss Story

Don Miller in his book StoryBrand – outlines the basic story structure. There are 4 key players to every story.

  • Victim
  • Villain
  • The Guide
  • The Hero

I have played the first 3 and know those parts well. It is the Hero I struggle with.
You know the Hero – the guy who gets the girl or the money or both! In this case the hero goes from fat dude to buff dude. I would be nice to have my wife look at me once before I die with a “damn that is hot” look in her eye.

Victim / Villain

  • The food industry is working against me.
  • My wife cooked this lovely meal on my fasting day.
  • I will start this awesome plan tomorrow.

I tell myself lies all the time. I believe them. It is horrible cycle.
There are 2 voices in our heads. One is the lizard brain. One is the rational brain. The rational brain plays the victim to the lizard brain. Lizard brain lies to us all the time.

  • It is just one cookie
  • You are at a party are you really going to not eat a piece of cake that would be rude right?
  • You can start tomorrow – lets eat pizza today – your workout was sooooo good.

You have to conquer this.

I do this with food rules that Dr. Glen Livingston teaches in his book – Never Binge Again. I do not eat fruit. I do not eat grain. I will never ever eat fruit again. These are just examples. The food is free. Get it. Read it.

The Guide

This is my favorite distraction and I place this under the heading of “Doctor – heal thyself”

The cycle is easy to see. I feel either beat down by the villain or I feel a wee bit of success and power from completing a work out or shorter term fast and I take to twitter or YouTube and I learn something.

I then incorporate that knowledge into my story and decide – yes this is right. This is what I and other should do. But instead of implementing it and then reporting back my findings – success or failures – decide to proclaim and share this new secret knowledge to others under the misconception that I am helping others.

What a fool I am.

That is why I changed the tag line of this blog and on my twitter and instagram feed to “Instead of telling others how to fix themselves, I am fixing me.”

My Hero: Me

No one is going to help you. It’s you against yourself forever. – David Goggins

So true. You cannot make me act. I cannot make you act. I have to decide to take action. Today. Right now. Not after this cookie. Not after that slice of pizza. Now. This second and every second moving forward. Be your hero.
Does the hero you admire binge on pizza when things get difficult? Not in the movies and stories I read and watch.

Gather Tools for your Toolbelt

I know I have enough tools in my tool belt to complete my journey. There was a time when knowledge lacking. Not today. I have know about what to eat since 2012. I now have other journaling tools to keep me on track. If I fail, it is because I have given myself permission to do so.

Here are my tools.

  • Fasting – Restrict WHEN I eat
    Eat Low Carb. Good Fat. Limit how much I eat.
    Use Meta Script technique from Mark Queppet from Universal Man. This will help me correct my mind when I make mistakes.
    Keystone Habit to Course Correct on the Fly – designed by Dr. Cameron Sepah.
  • Bottom Line – Stop telling people and just be. Be great everyday. You are worth it. Stay in the Fight and we can celebrate together.

    Dexa Scan – Is Enough Enough?

    One year ago I got a dexa scan. May 22 2019

    My weight was 267

    Today I weight 265. May 22, 2020.

    In the past 12 months I weighted at my lowest 245 and 275 at my highest.

    That is 30 pounds.

    Be aware that even at 245 pounds I was fat. My ideal weight is somewhere in the 165-175 range. I will not know that until I get there. You know muscle mass, lose skin etc.

    My Dexa scan showed I had 155 pounds of lean mass. Add 15 pounds of fat and that is around 170. That is where I am getting that number.

    That is me. My Dexa Scan May 2019.

    Enough is Enough

    Today I start my journey. Sunday May 24th, 2020.

    This scares the hell out of me. I have said this to myself so much. I know all of the stuff about how weigh loss is not a straight line. But come on.

    • 2017 – 270 – 250
    • 2018 – 270 – 250
    • 2019 – 275 – 245
    • 2020 – 275 – 265

    This is stagnation. I am not going to spend time beating myself up on this. It is behind me. I forgive myself. I really do. I spent this time in my own narrative fallacy about my life. The reality is that knowing what to do. Watching YouTube videos about what you want to do. Following people on Instagram that are following your diet etc. That is not doing it.

    I have to control my anger at times. There are people that I followed back in 2018 that were heavier than me and they implemented the same type of plan I wanted to implement and they are got it done.

    In fact in Aug of 2019 I made a video about this very issue. And yet again in that video I made a promise to myself that I was going to do it. Instead I failed and here I sit pulling together my resolve.

    In Aug 2019 – I made a video to say Enough is Enough – But I little changed.

    What is my point? What is the Fucking Point?

    The point is that I am starting again. Right now. Today. This minute. Not tomorrow. Not after I binge on some carbs or something. Right now.

    Get on my email list for weekly report backs with pictures or just check back here on Sundays.

    I will audio blog my progress via this podcast as well.

    Stay in the Fight. Your Friend. T

    Sunday Report Back – 1

    This is my first “Report Back” as an accountability tool. I am committing to do this each week.


    A Blog Post
    And a Podcast Episode
    And I am planning on doing a more in depth report back monthly that will be a video on YouTube.

    This was a great week.

    My greatest week in my 8 year weight loss journey.
    I completed a 87 hour fast.

    Did not eat Thursday, Friday or Saturday.
    Sunday – Today I weighed in this morning. 263.
    I started the week at 270.


    Now I am writing this after I had a wonderful meal made by my loving wife. Sunday pot roast with roasted veggies.
    I clicked the start button on my Zero app.

    Why This Was a Big Week

    I have only completed one 24hr fast in 2020. It has been a struggle. 99% of it has been mental.
    This week I did something a little different. I used the Zero app but I committed to be 100% honest with myself. So I would set the app for a 36hr fast. If I ate even one almond. I would stop it. And re start the clock. Over about 3-4 days I got to where I would check the app and ask myself – do I really want to eat? Why am I about to eat? Do I want to break the agreement I have made with myself
    On Friday when I woke up with more than 24 hours it was a mind shift. I can do this. It will be easier to move towards Sunday than to break my fast and start over. So that is what I did.


    Today I am happy. Not because I lost weight. I am happy because I made an agreement with myself and I kept it.

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    Wishing you the best. Let me know how you are doing. @wheninaustin on twitter.